Thursday, June 30, 2005
Been listening to this song every morning this week on my IPod.What's Good For Me
I ain't no queen of hearts,I go through stages
I fall in love then complicate it
Yea, you know the feeling
Without much hope just blind ambition
Pretending that there's nothing missing
I always kept believing
That more, I thought if i had more
I wouldnt get so bored
But everything just left me empty
Love walking in and out of my door
Wasn't good enough no more
When i don't trust myself, life really sucks
And the first time i thought it but i didn't do it
Last time that's when i really blew it
So this time im gonna do it different cuz i know i know i know
If i put everything i have into it
Eventually, i'm gonna get what's good for me
I'm just trying to be creative
But everyone's so opinionated
They wanna tell me what i'm feeling
Cuz one man's junk's another's treasure
When it's done it's hard to measure
I'll keep from believing
That more, if only i had more
I wouldnt get so bored
But i know it's gonna leave me empty
Life walking in and out of my door
Wasn't good enough anymore
Well i don't trust myself, i'm gonna get stuck
Cuz i don't want to
Live my life wonderin'
If only
I woulda I shoulda I coulda
But i didn't cuz i only blame myself yeah again...
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Thursday, June 30, 2005
I'm mentally healthy and fresh, but physically drained.
The temp job at NUS is quite easy, to be honest, compared to my previous F&B service jobs. But the hours are long and the space I can move around in is quite limited. There're always flocks of people coming towards our area and sometimes it's hard to capture them. But you know what--- I like this job and the people I work with.
Don't laugh... YJ will know that I don't have a very good relationship with all my previous employers/ managers except Coca. I've had arguements and disputes with all of my past managers/colleagues. Wait---before you start thinking that I'm a spolit brat and a troublemaker--- I'M NOT, and I can prove my case.
Case 1: John Little, May/June 2000. They miscalculated the OT hours for the temp staff and most of us got 'cheated' of pver $100. I went down to the headquarters at Specialist Centre and had a 'discussion' with the HR manager, 3 times. Finally got the money.
Case 2: At Cold Storage, Nov/Dec 2000. They left out my timesheet and simply can't be bothered to pay attention to my deserved pay. I went in to have a talk with the branch manager with ZX. Blah Blah. Quit the job.
Case 3: Hisatomo Family Restaurant, May/June 2001. There was a senior staff, but not in the mgt/captain rank, who always push the work to other colleagues. I got so tired and sick of her just standing there and acting like she's the boss and confronted her. We had an arguement, in front of customers. I quit a week later and went on a cruise holiday.
Case 4: SMRT, June 2005. Pls refer to my earlier post.
I know, I know. My history of holiday jobs (and the troubles) is OUTSTANDING. And I'm proud of them. Like what I've mentioned before, I don't regret any of the things I've done in terms of gaining my rights and alterating the wrongs I think shouldn't happen.
Will try to write more next time... I have to start work at 9 everyday this week and I reach home about 11 p.m. That leave me about 6 hours of sleep. I need them so bad!!! But, I always say this--- I can do a lot of things for MONEY. Forcing myself out of bed each day to work is one of them. Sometimes I myself will think that it's amazing I can manage to do some things I never thought I would.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Thursday, June 30, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Got a temp job from ZX's recommendations. It's for a photo studio and I'm supposed to get the NUS graduates for this year to sign up for their graduation ceremony photos. Sounds familiar right... I know. It sort of reminds me of the SMRT temp job I had a couple of weeks ago. But luckily-- this one is so much better.Took the 852 bus from Yishun and changed to 151 on the way. I could've taken the MRT but still preferred to go by the old way. The familiar waiting berth at the interchange, my usual favourite seat at the 2nd last row on the right on the bus, the listening to MP3 on the journey, the ever-so-familiar routes and buildings along the way...
All these tiny and insignificant things made up a big part of my Poly life, and the 3 years then were the happiest ever in my entire 22 years. I can no longer go back to what I was 5 years ago. People always say that memories will be enough to last you a lifetime. I don't know if I can still believe in that.
The buildings that I thought would always be there; the banners that I thought would never be replaced; the trees along the way that I thought would last a century; the innocence and ignorance I had that I thought will always be with me; the people whom I thought would always be waiting; and the chances that I thought will always be within my reach.
I just don't know how much more I can believe in. People and things all change. And there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I could. But I'm not exactly sure if I want to change what's happening in front of me.
Some friends tell me I think too much. I guess, I really do. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Then again--- which side do I wish to stand on??
I can't even answer that myself.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Saturday, June 25, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Went to rent a Korean drama set "Lovers in Paris" this week. Highly recommended by YJ. The storyline is so clique, a typical Cinderella story--- The boss of a super huge organisation falls for a gal that's not rich, pretty, or very smart. And they ended up happily together after a lot of obstacles in between. Haha. This story never fails to attract readers and viewers.Let's face it--- we all know this is "just a fairytale" and stuff like that only happens in dramas and books. If I'm ever so LUCKY to get myself into those situations, I think I'll just run away. Maybe I'll die to get such a guy when I'm younger. But now, nah. I can't stand rich kids. Don't ask me why. I just don't like them. They have this "air" around them. Some people call it Confidence. I call it Snobbishness.
Here's a phrase from a Disney Cinderella movie--- Do you love her because she's beautiful? Or is she beautiful because you love her?
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
I feel awful. I've been slacking at home since I quit my temp job at SMRT. Yet, I can still find things to be unhappy about. Maybe having too much free time is no good. I spend a higher percentage of my day thinking about things and people to be upset with. This is no good.A Lone Fighter stayed home at Thursday, June 23, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Went to watch the Disney movie Ice Princess just now. Less than 10 persons in the theatre. Great! I always go for the earliest showtime so that I can escape from the crowds. My best record-- Only me and another lady in the theatre when I was watching A Cinderella Story. I love watching teenage/high school/college movies. They make me feel young and momentarily take me away from this stale, boring and suffocating Singapore setting.I've already seen the movie a few months ago when it was released in the States. Downloaded it from a source (hush hush) and watched it right here on my PC. Felt it was not bad, and the leads were rather pretty and natural.
Another reason why I like "young" movies-- the soundtracks are so much better, in my opinion, than most of the serious and heavy movies. My favourite so far will have to be-- What A Girl Wants. Every song in that soundtrack is simply amazing and 2 songs were actually performed by an actor from the movie. The lyrics were great and the melody easy to catch. Think you guys get my point... I'm starting to sound like a salesperson here.
Long Time Coming
Everybody wants to be loved Every once in a while
We all need someone to hold on to Just like a helpless child
Can your whisper in my ear Let me know its all right
It's been a long time coming down this road
and now I know what I've been waiting for just
Like a lonely highway I'm trying to get home
Love's been a long time coming
You can love for a lifetime You could love for a day
You can think you've got everything but
Everything is nothing when you throw it away
Then you look in my eyes And I have it all once again
Didn't know I was lost Till you found me
Didn't Know I was blind But now I see
Can your whisper in my ear Let me know its all right
It's been a long time coming down this road
and now I know what I've been searching for
Been a long, long highway And now I see
Love's been a long time, been a long time
Love's been a long time coming
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Monday, June 20, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
It was my Mum's birthday on Wednesday and we all went out to 'celebrate'. Haha. It's actually just a dinner at the coffeeshop, but feels different cos my Dad got home early and we seldom go out so early. Ordered my favourite hot-plate tofu and some crabs to make it more like a celebration. Yum yum.It's Friday now and I've really been slacking off this whole week. Sigh. Feels great. Haha. Going to start shopping for clothes to wear during my training soon. Seems like there're a lot of offers now since it's the Sale season--must make good use of it. Wrote out a list of all the stuff I need. Woah. It's quite extensive, and although the individual items cost just a little, the total amount is rather scary.
People who don't understand will most probably say-- "What's so expensive?? Only need a pair of decent shoes and the most a jacket suit only what." Hah. They'll be surprised at how much more I need to get--- shoes, bags, jacket suit, tops, lots of stockings, hairnets, hairpins, hairspray, nailpolishes, makeup necessities... I still don't dare to estimate the total bill. Will definitely burn a large hole in my already shallow pocket.
That's only for the Singapore training... I have another list of items to get for the Japan training. I'll try not to touch that list too soon. My pocket can only take a certain level of shock for now. It's still trying to recover from the sudden outflow I had in March and April when I was preparing for my interviews. Spent around $500 just to get myself decent enough to attend the interviews then.
For those of you who think flying as a career is easy money--- hah. You don't know how much we invested.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Friday, June 17, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Went for a KTV session with YJ and XF on Tuesday morning... Hate to go out during the school holidays. People I see on Orchard Road are either younger than us or a lot older. Where are all the eligible, same-age-range guys? I can't ever find an eye-candy on the whole stretch of Orchard Road.. Never mind.While we were walking rather aimlessly around, YJ asked if there's a possibility that I'll grow to become a person that goes after branded stuff. Hmm.. Maybe that's because of the job I'm going into that gives a lot of people that impression. Right now, I don't think I'll be one to charge into branded boutiques and start buying whenever I feel like it. I'm pretty confident in self-control when it comes to buying designer stuff.
The most expensive things that I've bought for pleasure?? That's the portable VCD player I bought in Sec 2 or 3. Still using it now in my room. Sometimes I think its 4-inch screen is even clearer than some TV sets. Huge chance that I'm packing it along for my Japan training in September.. Haha.
Other than that, I think the other expensive stuff I 've bought would be my Swarovski crystals. I only got 4 items right now, but hoping to get more when I really start earning.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
An old issue that friends still don't understand
Definitely not. True, there were times in the past when I was hoping that he would call and ask for a patchup. But that was years ago. He's moved on and got himself into other relationships. I sincerely wish him all the best in his future.
Then you might wonder--- "why is Xinrong still unattached after all these years??" Hmmmm. Good question. There're a few reasons... sometimes they're stronger, sometimes they seem so crap.
i) I'm happy being single and not having to spend my energy on someone else.
ii) I like to be free and look at all the guys on the street.
iii) There's no guy that I like enough to make me give up my current lifestlye.
iv) I leave it up to Destiny. Some things just can't be rushed or forced.
v) I'm selfish. I want to focus on my new job. It's super tough and I can't afford any more distractions.
There you have it... Please don't try to introduce me any good guys you think will make a good match with me. Hahahaha. They might be good, but not necessary the one for me right now.
I really love this song by Twins. Like the lyrics. I'll listen to that song every morning on the way to work to calm my mood down.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Monday, June 13, 2005
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I quit my temp job at SMRT. I choose to be happy and not torture myself or keep telling myself this self-assuring lie that the next day at work will be a better one. Had a minor discussion with the supervisor in charge of this plan and the HR guy on Thursday to remedy the situation. Crap. I can't be bothered whether they still want us around or what... It's much better for all parties if they just terminate our contract of service, and pay us our due salaries. The HR guy promised that we'll still be paid even if we decide to leave the company. So now it's up to us CS girls and the job agency.Anyway, the agency's supposed to send a representative down to let me sign the contract on Friday, so it's Just Nice. We somehow managed to fight our way out of the contract and leave the company. Yeah!! The real excitement comes after the whole drama-- One of the temp girls read the emails that was sent via the company's internal email system. Hah. The management people are complaining about us--- saying that we're only sitting around, chatting amongst ourselves, and not doing any work at all.
It's amazing how childish and ignorant those people shareholders pay so much, and the staff call them "big boss" and "managers" can be. Be a man and let's fight it out in the open! If you really think that your points are valid and strong enough, do it publicly!! What's with all the sneaky emails and fake concerns about our work performance??!!
Maybe you may say "oh no... you're going to regret what you said this week in the meetings and discussions. You're still young and in the future, you'll know that what you said today is wrong." I'm not going to regret anything I've said. Cos that would mean that the Xinrong in June 2005 is wrong. I'm not going to blame myself in the future for something I so strongly believe in now. There're some things that we all possess when we're young, and they slowly leave us as we grow. The courage to speak up is one of them. I'm glad I spoke up, and argued for what I believed in.
There're a few reasons which I think contribute to me leaving the job--
i) I don't have faith in the product I'm working with.
ii) The company's "top people" simply don't respect us.
iii) I should have rested for a while first before jumping into a temp job atraight after my final college exams.
iv) The money is too little compared to others in the market now.
v) I'm in a slack mood.
Anyway, I'm FREEEEE now. Going to make sure I enjoy my freedom first before looking for another temp job. Going to look for a new gym to take my yoga classes since my old one closed down due to lease issues. Sigh. I like yoga.........
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Saturday, June 11, 2005
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Just had my 2nd day of work at SMRT as a temp customer service person. Not an easy job, I must say. I asked at the interview whether we need to reach any quota in our job and the HR man said NO. Hah. The first day that we started (yesterday), the CS supervisor gave each of us CS girls a spreadsheet to take down the details of those we've spoken to.Actually the CS job we're to do is very much redundant. The target audience, some of the colleagues, and even us CS girls all agree on that. We're stationed at the SMRT Woodlands depot. My job is to talk to the taxi-hirers about the company's new benefit scheme for them when they come into the CS center for their normal stuff. The manager keeps on coming out and says "Be more proactive... dun crowd ard the desk... go sit smong the hirers while they're waiting for their queue number to be called...cos the deputy's complaining... blah blah"
The actual "talking" and "working" hours are very short. Most of the time I'm either sitting down at the CS desk or standing in a small corner to "eat snake". Really feel that my job is "can have can dun have = ke3 you3 ke3 wu2". The hirers will be informed of the details by mail brochures anyway. And most of the time when I'm explaining the scheme to them, I'm not exactly sure what I'm talking about. I hate selling something that I'm not confident or have faith in.
Thought of leaving the job and looking for a new temp job yesterday, but decided to hang on. Part of me just can't be bothered. Part of me wants to see how much I can stand in this situation. The fighter spirit in me won. Yeah!!!! Hate to be a quitter.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Sunday, June 05, 2005
I've decided... I'm going to blog whenever I like. So it's highly possible that you see me posting more than once a day. I just want to split my thoughts into seperate headings that make more sense.Bought a set of Japanese drama Gokusen 2 on Friday afternoon, finished the whole drama on Sunday evening. I'm always complaining that there're no eye-candies ard Singapore. Watching the Jap shows only make me shake my head further at the local supply.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Sunday, June 05, 2005
Went to my Poly's classmate CT's wedding this morning. So happy for her.
It's the first time I attend a wedding of a friend, not some relative I didn't know exist... Makes me feel MATURE.
Everything seems to fall nicely in place for my polymates. Everyone's either working, or just finished their degree program, or doing both.
Gone are the days when I can sleep all the way on the bus from Yishun to Bukit Timah, and then continue sleeping in the lecture halls. Now there's a new feeling called Responsibility. No more pocket money from parents, no more shirking from cleaning my room, and no more over-dependence on anybody.
My quote: Nobody said Life's going to be easy. But no one told me how hard it's going to be.
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Sunday, June 05, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
This is amazing... I finally have my own blog!!!Have been thinking about setting up one long ago, but only got down to doing it now. I finished my final formal exam paper yesterday and that's a goodbye to my "formal" education.
Sent out my resume to apply for some temp jobs before my full time job starts in August. Quite surprised to receive the call this morning at 0915hr. Was still half-asleep when the job agency called. Had to go down to their office for an interview today... that kinda messed up my original planned schedule for the 1st day of post-exam freedom time.
Reached their office at ard 1120hr, left about 10 minutes later. Dun understand why they want to see the applicant everytime...The agency guy told me that I need to go for another interview this afternoon at 1500hr at Woodlands. He wrote me the address, and said I can leave. waste time, waste transport money, and waste my energy walking there..Went to the GuanYin Temple at Bugis after that.. prayed for good exam grades and smooth job in future. Managed to reach Cineleisure in time for my haircut appt. Was in fact a little early. Chopped off my very layered hair and I felt so much better with my new hairstyle...although there wasn't much change except it's shorter.. hahah
Wandered over to Kino and tried to place orders for some books. Guess what-- the 1st title's not published yet, will be out in July; 2nd title's out of print; 3rd title's out of stock. Errrrrrrr Nevermind... luckily there's a library 2 levels up... loitered there for quite a while... borrowed 4 books. It seems like such a long time ago when I actually read a whole book. Always felt guilty about not reading my notes and textbooks... Finally-- now I can read whatever I want!!!
Left Orchard at ard 1400hr. Thought an hour should be enough to get me to the interview place at Woodlands. Hah. Missed the bus at Woodlands interchange and I knew rightaway I'll be late. Dropped off at the busstop that agency guy wrote down... BASKET. nothing in sight. I decided to walk in a bit to see if I missed anything... Nothing except a construction site there. Was super fed-up with the agency guy by then. Called him up, and he actually said "Oh. I think you got off one busstop earlier." What the Freak!!!! He wrote down in black and white "Alight at the 4th busstop".
Was boiling by that time. I was carrying 4 heavy books in my bag, ruining my new hair, sweating like nobody's business, and getting lost at the entrance of a construction site... Walked back to the main street, hailed a cab, and told the taxi-uncle the address that agency guy wrote for me... Surprise Surprise-- It's at the next junction. You're probably thinking "huh... how must take cab?? walk over lah". Er. FYI, I was out of the house in the morning at 10plus, stood the whole way on MRT from Yishun to Raffles Place, then stood from Raffles Place to Bugis, walk over to the templs, walk back, and stood the way from Bugis to Orchard, and didn't sit down the whole time I was at the library. And all these while adding to the fun is our dear Singapore weather.
Fine. So I've reached the place. The company HR guy came out, and took us to another room for the interview. I was already 20 minutes late when I arrived and my appearance wasn't exactly what I would have liked it to be. He briefed us on the job, and interviewed us one by one. A little unexpected, cos the last few vacation jobs I held didn't require much of an interview... They just asked me to fill up a form and said that I can start work when-and-where.
Ok, he'll let the agency know if I'm selected for the job. Bye bye.
Honestly, I can't be bothered anymore. I felt like just calling up the agency and reject the interview when I was getting lost (remember the construction site?). But decided to hang on...
Got out of the building, got on to a cab back to Yishun. As a consolation/celebration/habit thing, I bought my usual Long John Silvers' combo and Finally Home Sweet Home!!! But WAIT!!! The 'fun' has not ended yet. I've just put down my food on the table when my house phone rang. Guess who--- it's the agency guy. Asked if I'm at home right now. Rubbish...if not how to pick up the call. Basket. Said that I'm selected and will be starting work next Monday. (hooray? not so soon) Mentioned that I need to get the timesheet from the agency. It's already 1655hr then. I think he expects me to go down to Raffles Place again just to pick up that "Oh so important timesheet". NOOOOOOOOO Freaking Way I'm doing that. Had to bluff that I have to attend a wedding dinner tonight and it should be quite a strong hint that "you can forget about me going back".
Hah. He never gives up. Asked which hotel the wedding dinner is held-- "Not sure, cos my frens will be driving me there". Asked "do you have a fax machine at home"-- "oooo, dun have". No more ways.. hahahha. Said he'll call again. Well, dun say I'm evil. I did ask if he can leave the timesheet with his colleagues and I'll get it from them tomorrow (he's not working on wkends). That's my option for him... he can take it or forget about it.
Okok... dun want to ruin my blog by scolding people everyday...
Tomorrow will be a good day!! Cos I believe it will be one!
A Lone Fighter stayed home at Saturday, June 04, 2005